ThrivingTwogether

Praise to the man

Last Friday night my wife and I attended a concert (A Twist of Blues) at the Utah State Fair.

Our friend, CJ, is one of the guitarists and, as usual, played the guitar with gusto and skill.

Towards the end of the concert, CJ walked off the stage and into the audience. He had noticed his baby girl dancing in the aisle with a huge smile on her face. He walked to her, picked her up in one arm and conitinued to play his guitar with his left hand.

I was stunned at his consideration and love for his daughter. He thought more on her happiness than on his own performance. 

Nothing blocked his love of family.  Not his hobby. Not his passion. Nothing.

 

 

 

 

Skipping Cynical

As children we are full of dreams and excitement. Everything is fun and positive and we quickly forgive. We play. We love. We dream. We create.

Somewhere in our lives we tend to get a little cynical and less trusting. We become intellectually haughty: superior to optimism, dreams and faith in others. We critique. We don't create. We question progress and doubt ability.

Then as we get older we seem to rediscover our childlike values again. Dreaming becomes delightful. Playing with children or grandchildren brings supernal joy. We see the good in everyone. We encourage others.

The happiest people are those who skip cynicism. They keep their childlike ability to give, love and forgive.

I wonder what would happen if we skipped the middle? What would life be like if we skipped cynicism?

Sure would be fun to try.

 

 

 

(Origianl post from 2012 archives)

(Photo credit: freedigitalphoto.net)

Heater Vent Cover

I chuckled to myself this morning as my wife and I discussed heater vent covers.

Seems trivial, but we want to make our 40 year-old home beautiful.

And every detail matters.

As part of our home remodel, we discuss every aesthetic and functional detail. 

We are solicitous of each other, showing mutual respect as we ask, "What do you think?"

By considering each others' thoughts and feelings (even about heater vent covers), we avoid getting heated up.

As anger rises, options diminish (see Crucial Conversations).  

 

Measuring Tape Needed

It's been said," The size of a man may be measured by the size of the things that make him angry."

Trivial things don't make us angry. We choose to be angry.

Anger destroys; love builds

Exercise self-discipline and show love.

Grow tall.

Measure up instead of being mired in minutia. 

 

(photo courtesy Schwede66)

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Gradually

Change often happens imperceptibly.

Gradual changes only appear when accumulated over a period of time.

One wrinkle goes unnoticed, but a wrinkly octogenarian is hard to miss. 

A husband becoming (gradually) a little nicer is worth noting.

A wife choosing to give of her self (gradually) is impressive.

Gradually often leads to "all of a sudden."

And "all of a sudden" means a revolutionary relationship has been fashioned. 

Start your revolutionary marriage gradually. 

 

 

T-Mobile Tuesdays

First find your passions. Melissa and I love food and travel. 

Second discover ways to get your passions for free or reduced prices.

Melissa and I followed that formula last Tuesday. 

We downloaded the T-Mobile Tuesday app on each of our phones.

Then we cashed in 3 free Dominoes pizza offers, 3 Vudu video offers and  got some free T-Mobile stock.

Total cost for three medium pizzas and a Zootopia video? Zero.

 The stock was free and hopefully will appreciate.

Frugality is living abundantly for little or no money.

What do you love to do/have/be? How can you get it for less?  

 

(Photo courtesy Mtaylor848)

 

The Ultimate Marriage Package

Today we are proud to announce The Ultimate Marriage Package. It's designed to help soon-to-be-marrieds, long-term marrieds and we-might-get-divorced-if-we-don't-get-help marrieds to become happy and loving. 

It includes: 

• 10 Videos
• 1 App
• 5 Hours of Audio Sessions
• 2 Free Sessions
• 10 Blog Posts
• 10 Books

It's now available on https://www.thrivingtwogether.com/product/the-ulitmate-marriage-package/

If you or someone you love needs help with their marriage, then get them the Ultimate Marriage Package for $397. It's cheaper than divorce. And it feels better too! 

 

 

 

Lumberjacks need not apply

Nourish is a simple yet powerful word.  To promote the growth of anything is vital and rewarding. But it takes time to grow anything.

Teachers in elementary school gave my classmates and I  tiny trees for Arbor Day. After taking my little tree home I planted it and quickly forgot about it. I didn't take  time to nourish my Pine Tree.  I thought it would grow quickly without any effort.  Of course my tree never thrived.

This same lack of nourishment abounds in many families. Daily, prospective nurturing is missing in many marriages. With some parents, it's missing with child-rearing.  It's missing with savings and debt-reduction. A nourishment mindset is lacking in investing if our purpose is quick, no effort results with an unproven investor. Quick fixes or abandonment often attempt to fill the void left by a lack of nourishment.

Divorce, bankruptcies, excessive credit card debt, lotteries, and  payday-loans are often the manifestations of neglected nourishment.

The good news is that most families have a mature tree (i.e. income, marriage, children)-- they simply need to nourish their tree to help it thrive. We don't need to create a new tree, we simply need to nourish it. Watering  and sunlight will revive most trees. And unconditional love and time together will heal most marriages. Most financial situations rejuvenate with a budget and a little self-discipline. Most children thrive with freedom and the guidance of correct principles.

It's an attractive idea to plant new trees (e.g. get a new spouse, trade your children, or find a new job), but it is far easier and more rewarding to nourish our current trees.

(Photo courtesy Victor Grigas)

Legacy building

A little over 17 years ago when my oldest child was born, I thought I was a perfect father. Then we brought her home from the hospital. 

It was then, I realized I was impatient, selfish, and a poor provider. I needed to become much better.

Thankfully there are many wonderful parents who showed me and my wife how to be excellent. 

Excellent parents go on dates with their children. Wonderful parents play with her children. 

Impactful parents love their children and listen to their children.

Long-lasting parents ask questions and talk with her children.

They work alongside their children and worship with their children.

Successful parents invest time and money, prayers, effort, emotions and everything they possibly have into being a better person.

Legacy leaving parents establish a better relationship with their spouse and thereby bless their children.

Raise your example, then raise your children.

Let Them Eat Cupcakes

A Florida father recently found himself unemployed. What did he do? He fell back on his cupcake business and his jump house business. Then he started two new businesses. His family worked with him to make all four businesses successful. But what would happen had he not had two part-time businesses already running when he lost his job? Their cupcake truck even sold out last weekend. After months of unemployment and much family work on multiple businesses, this large Florida family is beginning to thrive financially Of course, they laid the foundation before a job loss. Business building and family building are excellent foundations for prosperity. And preparation is best done BEFORE it's needed. (Photo courtesy Pamela)

"I hate it when rich people shop at [a thrift store]"

Two guys (let's call them Curly and Moe) complained about "stupid rich people" shopping at thrift stores. 

Another man I've known for a year  (let's call him Lincoln) interrupted them and suggested maybe the rich people were rich because they shopped for bargains at thrift stores.

Curly and Moe thought about that, but then decided rich people should buy retail.

Curly and Moe have no assets other than vehicles. No home, no savings. They make little and spend much (lunches, soda, vehicles, clothes, etc)

Lincoln has a net worth upwards of $200,000 and is very frugal. His household earns more than 3x the national average and yet he loves deals, bargains and people more than appearances.

Don't be like Curly and Moe. Think better. Be like Lincoln.

 

 

 

 

 

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Gritty Gal

Years ago (after Melissa and I were married), my sisters warned her about me: "He's pushy, spoiled and the baby of our family." 

My sisters spent much of of their formative years teaching me.

Their spoiled, little, obstinate brother had a long way to go.

But my wife has proven faithful to the task of helping me grow and develop.

Her grit has been tangible and effective.

Gritty people are tenacious and courageous.

They persevere, endure, and are determined.

And they show fortitude and are hardy.

Gritty persons have high morals and strong character.

Grit is often the separator between a mere convenient marriage, and a covenant marriage (where promises are made to community, each other, parents, posterity and even with God.)

Marrieds who happily live ever after, use grit to last.

Gritty marrieds cling to commitments; not convenience. 

What will you do when your marriage gets hard? Will you be gritty enough?

 

A Tale of Two Tire Stores

Les Schwab and Discount Tire are located Across the street in Lindon, Utah.

I needed to get my tires properly inflated (the 30 degree days siphoned air from my tires).

A lady at Les Schwab begrudgingly agreed to inflate my tires ( I didn't buy my tires from them, so there was no perceived monetary benefit for them to help me). Then when I visited the store they told me to wait 45-60 minutes. 

I felt like an inconvenience.

I left and went across the street to Discount Tire. 

Discount Tire took 5 minutes and didn't even ask if I bought the tires from them.

One business sells tires. Transactional. 

The other serves people who buy tires. Relational.

Do business with companies that treat you like a person. 

We need more Santa's and less Scrooge's. 

People matter. And money (and joy) comes to those who treat people like they matter.

Guess where I will buy new tires? 

 

 

The unconventional math tutor and why Steph Curry dribbles two basketballs

A little kid dribbled two basketballs at the gym a few days ago.

Why?

More than likely, he was copying Steph Curry's tradition of "over-practicing." Mastering ball-handling with two basketballs guarantees legendary skills with one ball.

Our daughter's math tutor has a similar philosophy: she helps Anastasia dominate tough math problems (in practice) so tests (games) are easy.

Couples who "over-listen" and "over-study parenting" and "over-love" invariably discover joy. 

The Missing Ingredient

Have you ever tried to bake a cake without eggs? Or without milk? 

Just one missing ingredient can make a cake taste bland.

In marriage, what's the missing ingredient?

Integrity.

Often men and women withhold vital information (and trivial tiny truths).

A lady noticed that her husband's luxury SUV was keyed while she used it. Did she tell him?

Yes, but she said it was very difficult.

 

Why? Because they had kept many secrets from each other.

It reminds me of the movie Sneakers: "too many secrets!" 

For enduring, happy, growing marriages, add the ingredient of integrity. 

23 Wealthy Words & Phrases

1 Wait

 

2 Timing

 

3 Many options, better choices 

 

4 Counsel (none of us is as smart as all of us)

 

5 Discuss with a spouse 

 

6 Live within your means 

 

7 Expand your means

 

8 Thrift 

 

9 Prudent

 

10 Earn more, spend less 

 

11 We can't afford it...yet

 

12 Is that the best you can do?

 

13 How can I earn more income and work less?

 

14 Frugal not cheap

 

15 High quality, low price

 

16 The best investment is family

 

17 Dream BIG

 

18 Work smart and hard

 

19 Negotiate

 

20 YOLO (and you live forever, so act accordingly) 

 

21 Give

 

22 Grace & Gratitude (you didn't do it alone)

 

23 Teach

 

 

 

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She was the loudest

Community Center basketball was a huge part of my life from the time I was nine until I turned 13. I loved playing basketball and I loved winning even more (although I had my share of losing too).

One year my team lost almost every game. Another year we won every game. 

One of the things that brings a smile to my face now is how loud my Mom was at my games.  After a rebound, she would  shout to me "hold on to that ball, you're a Davis!?"

Or after a made shot, "Good job Ryan!!!!"

She seemed just as loud and happy for me whether my team won or lost. She cheered for me!

My friends teased me about my "loud" mom. 

And now I try to be the loud parent for my children.

A few days ago I found myself cheering and clapping loudly for my son as he attempted to break boards in his Tae Kwon do class. 

Maybe someday my kids will remember me as the loudest. 





 

She was shaking her head

A man told me how good of a listener he is. The only problem was his wife was shaking her head in disagreement.

No matter how good of a listener you think you are, what matters is what your spouse thinks.

Listening is best done when you seek to understand the other person.

Listening is also predicated upon mutual respect : you have to sincerely care about the other person to truly have open ears.

Great listeners also act upon the knowledge they've received. They do what they need to do after intently listening.

Excellent listeners not only apply, but they do not take the message personally. They know how good they are and yet are willing and hungry to improve.

If your spouse nods when you listen, then you've arrived.

But if she shakes her head, you might be fooling no one.

Not about the Black-belt

One of my childhood friends became a Judo Black-belt partly because his Dad wanted to spend more time with him.

His Dad wanted to spend time with him but didn't know how to formally make the time to be with him.

So he found a martial arts instructor and paid for my friend to take Judo lessons 2-3 times a week for eight years.

My friend not only became a Black-belt, but he found out how much his mother and father cared for him.

His parents invested hours (and much money) every week to be with him and to cheer him on.

What was the pay-off for his parents?

Today the Judo black belt watches his son (and daughter) participate in sports and plays.

And my friend's parents are glad they invested time into their best asset, their son.

It takes two to tandem

During a visit to a small town I recently observed several people riding tandem bikes up and down mountains and throughout the town.

I don't see that very often where I live so that caused me to think a little bit.

Riding a tandem bike is the ultimate metaphor for being interdependent. Two people come together to unitedly move forward.

A couple must work together (interdependently) on a tandem bike.

Working against each other (independently) causes stagnation.

Interdependence not independence is vital for happiness and progression.

Work with each other. Understand each other. Move forward together. Learn to work together. Learn to seek your spouses interest and their well-being. Hold them in high regard.

Two together make a tandem bike progress.

The 16 year-old boss

My daughter, Anastasia, is amazing! She takes summer classes for fun, helps others through hardships and loves to learn about business.

Last week she attended business week in Northern Utah and was voted CEO by her peers. She paid for half the cost and we covered the rest.

Many will say children are liabilities. She's not. The love, time and money we've given her has come back with massive returns.

An asset pays dividends. A liability drains resources.

Children should be one of your top assets.

The money you spend on them should be an investment not an enablement.

Give them resources to help them grow and become self-reliant not to facilitate weakness and dependence.

A knife called watch

So there I was at a family reunion bragging about a knife that I inherited from my grandfather.

I kept calling my knife a watch.

My sister later suggested that the reason I called the knife a watch was perhaps because my ego was getting in the way. I was focused on myself instead of others.

My sister, who is phenomenal at focusing on others, gave me sage advice.

Although I don't know the exact reason I kept calling a knife a watch, I do know that me and many others have the same problem: we focus too much on ourselves.

By focusing on self life becomes confusing and complex- knives become watches.

And as we focus on others, life becomes simple- knives are recognized as knives.

Fluency required

Perhaps one of the most well-known and least understood books for all time is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Most people know that there's many ways to show love: Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts are a few "languages" of love.

Then why do we persist in trying to show love the way that we like to be shown love instead of showing love the way that our spouse wants to have love shown?

Many marriages could have more love, passion and joy if spouses learned their spouses love language and then used it.

A man told me he spent many years and much money buying amazing gifts for his wife (manicures, pedicures, fancy dinners).

Yet all she wanted was his time and nice words.

Know your spouse's love language and then speak it daily.

It will save you time. Money. And your marriage!

The Asker

Yesterday I blogged about seekers. Today I'll let you know about the Asker.

Melissa constantly teaches me about the power of asking. She is the most curious person I've ever met. She's a perpetual rookie in her humility. And because of her humility she has become very smart.

Last week she called Amazon to ask for $30 of our recent shipping charges to go towards a Prime membership. She asked and the Amazon customer service agent laughingly told her no.

Then Amazon sent a customer survey about her experience. She told them that she wasn't happy with the answer.

Amazon then gave her a $30 gift card!

Melissa asked. Amazon delivered $30!

Seekers

Last night we asked our youngest daughter what she wanted to do for a family activity. Alexia suggested we play hide and seek. Little did we know that the game would last one hour!

With each passing round the game became more and more fun and complex. By the final-round children were hidden in dresser drawers and top of closets.

It was perhaps the funnest home-based activity we've ever done.

Cost? 0. Memories? Eternal.

Benefit of the doubt

Often we don't like to give the benefit of doubt. We tend to misjudge people thinking that their intentions are malicious, vindictive and mean.

A friend showed me what it means to "give the benefit of the doubt." I attempted a complaint about someone when he said he likes to give the benefit of the doubt.

It's his way of saying find the good in other people, expect the best. Don't look for faults. Expect the best and give the benefit of the doubt.

Hyrum's Interview

Last week my nine-year-old son, Hyrum, stunned me by asking to interview me.

He chose to question me about my duties, health and relationships. He asked questions like, "How are you treating mom? Do you think of her or your work more often? Do you work out too much?

Hyrum got this interview idea from me. For the last two years I've interviewed each of our four children once a month.

I ascertain how they're doing on their mental, physical, Spiritual and social preparations.

The children take stock of where they need to improve and what they're doing well. It's a great tool for accountability and responsibility.

Hyrum's questions warmed my soul and spurred me to greater desires to be good.

Pistol Pete's eyes

One of the greatest players of all time is Pistol Pete Maravich. Pistol Pete holds the record for college basketball scoring with over 40 points per game. He was also the first million dollar player in the NBA.

Pistol explained his great court awareness in the classic basketball series, Homework Basketball. He explained that it's possible to see in front of you and to the extreme right and left and even partially behind you while dribbling a basketball. The key? Practice.

His great court vision allowed him to be one of the flashiest passers and prolific scores in NBA history.

What does that have to do with you? Well as you look towards God, you'll see more of those around you who need help. And you will see how to best give yourself to others and thereby be rich with friends and family.

Practice seeing more by looking up and around.

Karma at Gardner Village

Several years ago a great friend named Russ invested much of his time and money to help us build a business.

Last weekend Russ needed some help. Melissa and I thought it was best to do all we could to help him.

We donated about $35 bucks and a few hours of our anniversary to help him build a new building for his petting zoo at Gardner Village.

But of course divine karma gave us much more than we could possibly give him.

We received four gift baskets worth about $350. In the gift baskets there was Skullcandy headphones, a six months gym membership, gift cards to eat at Chili's and many more treats.

It feels so good to give! Especially to know that the equation for giving is always heavily skewed towards the giver.

Give and you shall receive.

The O'Reilly Factor

I don't agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says, but I learned two things from him.

1. Don't interrupt. He always does and we should never. It's a communication killer as it is an impetus for contention.

And interrupting destroys mutual respect.

2. Do you follow Bill O'Reilly's advice when admitting you're wrong? Use the words he uses, "I may be wrong."

These words are magical.

Admit you may be wrong and never interrupt, it's the O'Reilly Factor.

Heavenly help

We can't always change money problems. And we most certainly can't change a spouse.

Change is an individual choice. C.S. Lewis taught how individuals change: "(Prayer) doesn't change God, it changes me.

One of the most effective and overlooked tool for paying off debt while strengthening marriage is prayer.

Melissa and I have found that we are happier when we pray together twice a day. It seems that couples who sincerely pray together stay together.

Sincere communication with our Heavenly Father provides many blessings.
Hope. Answers. Clarity. Direction. Love. Unity.

See more

My 11 year-old son, Joseph, told me about a school kickball game. A bossy girl yelled at him to give her the ball. As she angrily yelled, she didn't see a person stealing second. Joseph, who was calm, noticed the base stealer. Joseph got the base-stealing boy out.

Calmness, tranquility, serenity sees more. Love sees more.

Anger sees less. The girl arguing with Joseph couldn't see the kickball player stealing 2nd base. She was mad, angry.

Joseph was focused and calm.

Remain calm and focused as you decimate debt. Don't let your frustration with money turn to anger.

When they're young

Melissa and I invested in our children's financial intelligence when our first child was a toddler.

We bought Cashflow For Kids, an excellent game for understanding Income Statements and Balance Sheets.

Now our children generate their own income running micro businesses. They speak about money openly and with understanding. To them assets and income are great. Debt and liabilities are worse than homework on the weekend.

The Melissa Factor

In 1997 I began to date the lady who would become my wife. Even back then I knew she filled in my gaps. She was a musically inclined, empathetic, listening, prodigy who utterly intimidated me.

A few days ago when I broke my iPhone I called her to see what ideas she had.

She Googled the solution. Next she called a few repair stores to comparison price. Then she searched Amazon and eBay for the best deal on parts.

Total fix? $45. Sure beats $100 at a local repair shop. And it beats buying a new $600 phone or the 2 year contract option of even the used, replacement phone option.

What I learned: Marry up. Ask spouse for help. Listen. Don't panic when something initially looks bad. Hold unto the one you chose.*

(If the decision was right at first, then hold unto it forever. That goes for marriage, family, love, faith, and any other good thing)

In a church, on a boat, at Disney World

Over the weekend several relatives discussed a very fun wedding week they participated in about four years ago.

A distant relative invited many guests to California for dancing, parties and food at the Four Seasons. After the wedding ceremony butterflies and birds were released.

I wondered aloud at the cost of such an elaborate wedding.

Then my uncle let me know of another coupled who spent $200,000 on a wedding!

And today a friend told me of couple who were married at Disney World for $90,000!

Others get married on cruise ships or in remote mountains.

But my cousin put all these weddings in perspective when she leaned over and told me, "It's not the ceremony that makes a great marriage. It's what you do after the ceremony."

It's what you do after the ceremony.

Freed by frugality

I'm currently enjoying a very relaxing trip in Finland. I saved and planned for nine months to visit my favorite European country.

Today's post will be brief because I want to enjoy my trip in Finland.

In order to prepare for this trip, I increased revenue streams, added a business partner, outsourced some concepts and reduced (not eliminated) three personal luxuries.

The result? I just ate smoked Salmon in a former jail. Yum! And I get to visit five castles this week.

Frugal and free.

Not frugal and enslaved by massive restrictions. Not cheap and enslaved by things or denial.

Now that's good mothering

We noticed a mother playing with her children while we enjoyed a meal outside Tenaya Lodge near Yosemite.

The mother was dancing and then chasing and then laughing with her two children.

My good friend said, "Now that's good mothering!" He loves to see mothers actively involved with loving and nurturing children.

The cost? Free. The memories? Forever.

Wholesome free fun leaves no regrets.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

What pops up when your head is down

A few years ago I decided to get an MBA degree. For years I had felt the need to further my education in order to provide for my family and learn about money and business.

But where should I get my degree?

I knew many big names in business had attended Wharton (Jon Huntsman, Sr., Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Warren Buffet, and Donald Trump to name a few) and so that became my goal. I had a plan and wanted to stick to it: An MBA from Wharton. 

I then put my head down and plowed ahead. I studied everything I could about Wharton. But costs and time commitments seemed overwhelming. I began to search for alternatives.

Stanford, Marriott at BYU, and several others began to emerge as options.

Eventually a friend suggested WGU because he had reviewed WGU curricula. In then end I saved $165,000 and two years of time. 

A great idea emerged, while I applied my original plan. 

Clayton Christensen  beautifully explains emergent ideas in his reflective book, How Will You Measure Your Life?. We must move ahead with ideas yet remain wide open to new emerging ideas.

Most growth in marriage comes from emerging ideas. As you lovingly, kindly strategize and brainstorm with your spouse new, better ideas will always emerge.

Emergent ideas  are what pops up when your head is down plowing towards objectives. 

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How I roll

As I sat at the dentist today I thought of my daily routine. It's full of disciplined actions calculated to make me more useful to others.

An influential friend once taught me how to maximize each day. And for the last 22 years I have worked at it.

Each day I start with an hour long Spiritual devotional. Sometimes I listen and other times I read to uplifting literature.

Then on my daily commute I listen to part of a transformational book. It may be Percy Jackson, a Seth Godin book, Eat to Live, or Heir to a Dream.

During the work-day I listen to one complete book.

When I need creativity I turn to Pandora while I generate, curate and synthesize ideas. Ideas flow freely when I have inspirational music alternated with pure silence.

On my lunch break I spend 45 minutes at Golds Gym. Cardio, weights, and stretching are my three key focuses. Five or six workouts each week with a week off every few weeks.

Then in the evening I seek to unplug and relax with my family. The six of us eat together most nights. We talk, attend Scouts, visit with friends and read.

Many people wonder how I read/listen to 200 or more books a year, travel several times a year and keep fit.

The secret lies in being inspired by a higher power and then doing daily disciplines that shape my destiny.

A friend shared his formula with me. And now I share it with you: daily develop your body, mind, Spirit and relationships.

Your life will transform into greatness streaming from your small acts of greatness.

The tale of Tiger Balm

My wife picked up some Tiger Balm from a local high-end grocery store for $9.  On a business trip in California I picked up Tiger Balm for $3.50

Why the difference in price? Location? Store-type?

I am not sure why the price was nearly 300% higher at the local store.

I do know that prices often fluctuate dramatically. And I know that FIPs (Financially Intelligent Persons) look for bargains: high quality products for very low prices.

As a side note, my wife's purchase was still a good value for my family because it helped alleviate some aches and pains. There is no better investment than in a happy spouse.

Quality leads to quantity

Egoless

Narcissistic people can't get enough of self.

Endlessly staring in the mirror or filtering conversation through personal narratives are signs of selfishness.

As selfishness and self-consumption rise, costs and ingratitude soar.

The goal then is to lose ego/self so gratitude and frugal abundance will abound.

Egoless people have more fun! They attract others and are humble learners.

Egoless people are thrifty, friendly lifters.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

One word, drastic improvement

Hope, the belief that circumstances may be surmounted through work and planning, is CRUCIAL for bountiful relationships.

Any marital or money problem goes from
Impossible->Possible->Probable with hope.*

Katniss Everdeen feasted on hope while starving her fears.

*(HT to Bryan Moran for the concept)

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

Vital trumps important

Vital matters more than important.

It's important to have a clean house. It's vital to create a loving, nurturing home.

It's important to to earn a good income. It's vital to manage money well.

It's important to have friends. It's vital to be a good friend.

It's important to pray for others. It's vital to help those we pray for.

There are many important things to do and be.

There are only a few vital things to do and be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

Give, go, do

I ate lunch yesterday at Chick-fil-A with a professor from BYU-Idaho.

During our twenty or so years as friends, he has shared numerous insights which have enriched my life.

Yesterday was no exception.

We talked about not squandering money and getting ahead instead of getting by.

Then Mike told me the purpose of getting ahead is to give, go, and do.

As a new year is just around the corner please think about that statement.

Who needs you to give to them?

Where should you go for vacation or to warm hearts?

What can you do with prosperity to bless your family?

What should you add to your bucket list?

Give. Go. Do. Deeper and more often.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

Beware the four horsemen

John Gottman offers excellent advice for building peaceful marriages: Beware the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

1. Criticism: finding fault with others while diverting self-introspection.

2. Contempt: actual hatred of spouse instead of hatred of their inappropriate actions.

3. Defensiveness: becoming an immobilized victim instead of a loving, active servant.

4. Stonewalling: becoming icy, distant or generally removing self from relationship.

Humility and love must be cultivated to prevent The Four Horsemen from decimating marriages.

Several years ago I observed and followed the example of humble relatives who implemented a weekly plan for humility.

I chose to serve more often and to humble myself instead of being humbled by difficult circumstances.

I chose to worship God more consistently.

The best way to keep peace in a marriage is to create a strong marriage founded upon love, respect, humility and selflessness.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

C. S. Lewis, ant hills and beehives

C. S. Lewis wrote about lessons we learn from bees and ants: much of the world's progress yields from community and mothers.

DIY, John Wayne types such as myself should pause to consider the necessity of others, especially wonderful women.

Debt reduction; Family unity and peace; and wealth are easiest achieved by emancipating and involving others.

A large company sales meeting was led by a younger woman who solicited input from many people.

She let the community of managers guide the meeting.

Although she is articulate and dynamic, she gained greater good by including others.

Bees, ants and humans hunger for great females and deep communal connections.

Good AND Great

The cases of greatness without goodness are legion.

Morally bereft athletes and politicians are visible emblems of false greatness.

To throw away family while amassing fame or fortune is akin to a sloth killing all the animals in the zoo so he can roam his entire domain alone, cold and with no one to love and no one to be loved by.

Lacking good morals ensures any alleged greatness is temporal and lonely.

Money should enhance goodness and greatness.

Progression consists of Spiritual elevation and life-style enhancement in concord.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

A glue gun will solve that

Everyday we choose to cleave (tightly hold unto, adhere to) unto some people, situations and things and forsake some people, situations and things.

Wise people choose to forsake selfishness, laziness, and excuses.

Wise people shed personal habits that waste family resources. They seek more responsibility and more opportunity and expect income to follow.

Financially frugal and free people cleave unto family time, marriage, saving truths, and friends.

A sure formula for failure is to confuse forsaking with cleaving: discarding family, truth and relationships to latch unto the fodder of personal indulgence.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

Hugs and huddles

When I was four I began playing basketball.

Over the ensuing years I have seen many 'manly' ways to communicate and celebrate.

I have played in multiple leagues where coaches unilaterally controlled games by yelling and intimidating. Other coaches were affable.

I have enjoyed victory by fists pumps and fist bumps, hip checks and loud shouts.

Yesterday I watched a few minutes of a woman's basketball game that challenged my basketball upbringing.

The woman's team huddled often and seemed to alternate between speakers and listeners. The players seemed to be applying knowledge without a screaming coach. No unilateral yelling.

Additionally I observed team members hugging each other upon exiting the game. No fist bumps or slapping hands.

Society teaches toughness and testosterone to the exclusion of gentleness and kindness.

Hugs and humble huddles illustrate the Yin that is needed in a Yang world.

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)

Becoming invaluable

Being a valuable spouse or parent is nice.

You add value by working hard, remaining loyal to marriage promises and spending time with loved ones.

Valuable is a good start to an enduring relationship.

Ultimately for an exciting, improving, rich relationship we must become invaluable.

Invaluable people are those who apply learning, proactively fix weaknesses, remain humble, outpace previous self-successes, and give much more than they receive.

I once talked with a 50 something man who was much stronger and physically fit in his 50s than at any other point in his life.

He became invaluable in regards to health.

Are you valuable or invaluable?

(Photo courtesy Wikipedia)