Yep, my wife and I watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens over the weekend. The dark and light metaphors coupled with powerful illustrations of "the force" caused me to ponder.
It reminded me of this blog-post from a few years ago:
Use the force. No, use persuasion. It's a common falsehood that forcing people to change will cause them to change.
The force in Star Wars is a power to influence either for good or bad. The negative force is called coercion. The positive force is persuasion.
Persuasion is the most effective power in helping people change.
Coercion (Negative force) increases pain and agitation in relationships and is manifested by...
silence
sarcasm
hiding/ withholding significant information
historical trolling (fishing for evidences of past mistakes)
manipulation
nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging, nagging (yes, it's that annoying)
Persuasion (Positive force) enhances teamwork and unity and has the following traits:
kindness
listening to understand
discussing
honesty
patience
love
Most want to work harmoniously with family, but often use coercion instead of persuasion.
Want your spouse to help you more?
Try persuasion. Try to listen to his/ her needs, try patience, try letting go of your spouse's faults, try helping him/ her with a heavy problem.
Case Study:
A husband prefers watching sports to budgeting. What can be done? You could lecture him about watching too much TV or about needing to clean more. Or you could choose to enjoy (not tolerate) a few sporting games every week with him. Eventually he might be interested in budgeting with you or at least be more open to discussing family matters as he sees your more interested in his life than in nagging and pushing change.
May the good force (persuasion) be with you!
(Photo courtesy Greg Skidmore)
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