We are thermostats not thermometers. We control how we act and react.
Proving someone wrong or remembering toxic moments forces us to carry another person on our backs up a mountain. Drop resentment. Drop historical hysterics. Don't bring the offending rattle snack down the mountain.
And don't try to soothe a rattle snake.
The Arbinger Institute packed The Anatomy of Peace with transformative tips. Below are my notes.
When our hearts are at war we can’t see clearly. How we disagree is more important than if we disagree. Don’t horribleize others. Justification: Do you need enemies more than you need peace? Create a out-of-the box safe place for others by not blaming others. Care enough about others to be curious. Judging happens when we care more about our self than others. If continuous correction isn’t fixing the problem, then more correction won’t work. Fix your way of being instead. Invite not incite change. Invite cooperation. Strengthen the relationship if your teaching doesn't seem to work.
My son and I enjoy looking at Ferraris, Maseratis and Porsches. Occasionally the showroom contains an Aston Martin or a Rolls-Royce too.
This last time we visited the showroom we noticed that most of the cars had ceramic brakes.
The ceramic brakes were noticeable on each high-end vehicle with vibrant colors like canary yellow and fire engine red.
When we arrived home my son began his research on ceramic brakes. He discovered ceramic brakes are a great option instead of metal brakes or organic brakes because ceramic brakes help high-end vehicles stop quickly. Furthermore he learned that ceramic brakes don't heat up as much as metal brakes or organic brakes. And they leave less residue.
What about cost? They cost quite a bit more the metallic brakes or organic brakes.
Ceramic brakes are a great marriage metaphor.
Marriage demands a high cost to ensure that we won't heat up with anger not leave contentious debris or residue and will be able to stop our erroneous behavior quickly.
I think of several people who are the ceramic brakes in their relationship. They remain calm, help stop high speed, erratic behavior and ensure smooth marriage.
I was in the back of the group that was trekking for miles and miles a day. The man in front was kicking rocks out of the way to make the path easier for those that followed.
Another friend gratefully noticed the kind gesture and observed that people often remove rocks-- stumbling blocks and obstacles-- for us.
What obstacles and stumbling blocks or rocks are you kicking out of people's lives? What rocks are you eliminating for your spouse? How are you making their life better?
Yet other times we may need better shoes/Moccasins to withstand the rocks. Better shoes are a cheery disposition. A penchant to forgive, casual conversations, deep respect and admiration for each other. Daily work or betterment.
Kick rocks, get better shoes to advance on your trek.
https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Kickin-Rocks--Making-Moccasins-elhcdt
Encouragement and preparation serve us better than contentious chastisement and lengthy lectures.
I believe it was Warren Bennis who said it's rare that we prune too much. He was talking about business leaders, but I believe this goes for marriage as well. What should we prune? Maybe start with hobbies, and maybe too much work. But whatever you do don't prune or cut away time with family and with friends. And when in doubt seek input from your spouse about what you can prune so that your marriage tree can thrive!
Yesterday I journaled a thought: I should notice and appreciate angels (those who spread light and lift others) more than demons (those who seem opposed to me and my efforts).
Then I came across my blog post from eight years ago and thought I'd share it again.
As children we are full of dreams and excitement. Everything is fun and positive and we quickly forgive. We play. We love. We dream. We create.
Somewhere in our lives we tend to get a little cynical and less trusting. We become intellectually haughty: superior to optimism, dreams and faith in others. We critique. We don't create. We question progress and doubt ability.
Then as we get older we seem to rediscover our childlike values again. Dreaming becomes delightful. Playing with children or grandchildren brings supernal joy. We see the good in everyone. We encourage others.
The happiest people are those who skip cynicism. They keep their childlike ability to give, love and forgive.
I wonder what would happen if we skipped the middle? What if we skipped cynicism?
Sure would be fun to try.
(Photo credit: freedigitalphoto.net)
Less Effective vs More Effective Marriages
Me/mine Ours/yours
Lust Love
Force Allow
Push Retreat/Relax/Relent
Take Give
Action. Action over time ( see Brave Marriage Podcast)
Livefor sex Lifelong sex
Destroy Create
Now Evolve
Yell Learn
Fix Empathize
Spouse is a priority Spouse is your top priority
Frantic Still
Panicked Chill
Yell Collaborate
Urges Intimacy
Unchanging Iterations
Version 1.0. Version 209
Anarchy Order
I've got this God's got us
Lecture Learn together
Blame Take responsibility
Demand trust Be honest and trustworthy
Escape alone Vacation together
Despair Trust
Argue. Discuss Tough Issues
Two fa thers compared notes on their recent loss of temper.
One man devotedly and dutifully visited Home Depot to buy an electric chainsaw so he could eliminate branches for a childrens party. He evaluated his options and repeatedly returned to the store because he was missing essential ancillary parts. Finally he began to feel immense pressure when the party started and he hadn't completed his task. Ultimately he yelled at his family when his dog and son approached him while sawing down the branch.
The other father was enjoying a family trip to the lake when he learned how difficult it is to back up a small trailer. The trailer zigzagged repeatedly as the father fumed until a teenage employee volunteered to speedily back the trailer up in a straight line.
Solutions to avoid exploding? Remember Billy Joel singing "tell her about it"? Tell your spouse your challenges early on in the difficulty. Get vulnerable so you don't explode/erupt. Tell your partner how you're trying to please them but you keep falling and falling. And don't expect perfect results as you seek to help those you love. Frustration happens when you love someone but cant help them effectively. Thankfully your spouse is much more pleased with your efforts than your results.
A friend was trying to teach some youth. He wanted to impress upon them the importance of loyalty. I let my friend know that these youth and myself had his back. We would be loyal and concerned with his welfare and the responsibility we had.
Who has your spouse's back? Who considers their needs? Wants? Their opinion? What do they value? Do you seek their comfort ahead of yours? Their wishes?
Have you ever seen the movie Father Of The Bride 2? There's a hilarious scene in the movie where Steve Martin is trying to get a Doberman Pincer to retreat.
He can't remember the command to get the dog to retreat so he says "release! relent! retreat!" but it doesn't seem to work and the dog ends up chasing him.
Some of the most important words in marriage are retreat, relent, release.
We're prone to use military metaphors and attack our spouse or sports metaphors to be aggressive. But there's nothing so honorable and noble as to avoid criticism, belittling, caustic remarks, satirical remarks, sarcasm and snarky attacks.
I'm sure you read the book or watched the movie, but do you remember the word slantways? It's how Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp) described the direction of the elevator that Charlie, his grandpa and Willy we're about to travel in.
It's also the best way to describe the solutions that we have in marriage. We don't need to just go up or down; we discover many different approaches if we take a non-linear approach. Over the obstacle? Around it? Over it? Retreat? Repeat?
Furthermore the way Charlie is in the movie and in the books is a great template for how we should be in marriage: Kind, humble, grateful, others-focused.
Listen to the podcast
Apparently preventing weeds takes thought, money and time. Our flowerbeds seemed filled with more weeds than flowers.
At first we pulled weeds multiple times each year. And we sprayed weed killer. Those solutions didn't last.
Then Melissa and I collaborated to find impenetrable weed barrier. But experience showed us weeds can penetrate after a few years. So we devised a tactic: lay two layers of weed barrier crossways.
And for good measure we buried the weed barrier with rocks.
Relationship weeds are anything that threatens your family.: pornography, violence, apathy, distractions, diversions, and much more.
What is the one double layer, crossways impenetrable weed barrier best suited to prevent weeds in your relationships? Can you heap rocks ontop of your weeds so they won't
Are you stuck pulling the same weeds?
Some excellent weed barriers are couples counseling, giving, repenting, simplifying, debt elimination, and companion bragging.
Dan did it again. He deepened my understanding. He taught me about curiousity. Last year he taught me about shutting the barn door.
So what if curiosity was a reliable way to be more creative? How would it change the way you approach your relationships?
Is getting curious better than getting frustrated/mad? Which one produces multiple solutions and sustains long term relationships?
To what extent is creativity simply a by-product of curiosity?
Would getting more curious enhance your relationships?
Engrained "solutions" are often merely ineffective traditions. Effective solutions come from seeking/inquiring after several fact based options.
Melissa took me to our small garden to show me the difference between a small plant with a big tomato versus a large plant which will eventually yield many tomatoes.
She explained to me that it's more important to grow large tomato plants so that you get many tomatoes instead of focusing on just growing a large tomato.
Plant focused instead of fruit focused.
Grow the plant and many tomatoes will follow. Focus on the tomato and you might just lose the plant or have a small plant.
It's the system, not the result. The process not the goal. The business, not the service or product.
The relationship, not the obedience/control. The person, not the objective.
Just Mercy and Harriet are what I've been watching. Forming a business partnership with a person of color is what I've done. And I'm seeking to understand what broken systems, incorrect traditions and prejudices need to corrected.
My neighbor's lawn turned from brown to green in a few days. He didn't fertilize it. He has no sprinklers. So how did he get a rich, lucious green lawn?
A soaker hose.
Soaker hoses emit water slowly and constantly. And over time you see the desired result.
Getting involved in your family is like a soaker hose. Consistent, slow effort with rich results. But you often don't see the results during the watering.
Focus is often cited as the key to fulfillment and success. But what if your focus is money first? Or work first? Or family first? Or church first?
Stephen R. Covey taught that being too focused on any good thing causes us to ceed power to that value and to unfortunately derive our joy/pain from that value.
Real joy and gratitude come from Divine connections.
Listen, rate and share the Podcast
https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Lazer-Focused-On-ef8obu
Families are replete with problems. And we often want answers and confirmation before moving forward.
Think of a college student taking a Geology class. At first the Professor and textbooks have all the answers. And the student knows little about Geology. But eventually the student becomes self-reliant--thinking for herself based on internalized knowledge. The student doesn't have to constantly ask the Professor or consult her textbook. The student simply knows for herself.
With an abundance of problems there are many problems which are unsolvable. Or at least the problem doesn't have a perceivable solution at first. We must simply move forward without a solution.
We trust that the numerous packets of light and truth (photons?) we have received over years are sufficient for us to advance confidently into an unknown-to-us future.
Gain knowledge. Become the Professor. You know enough to move forward.
https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Unsolvable-Solutionists-And-Becoming-eev2lb
#becomingtheprofessor #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
Drip, Drip, Drip.
Drop by drop a humidifier changes the environment allowing for better breathing, deeper sleep, a healthier life.
Marriage is like a humidifier.
What are drops in marriage?
Listening to an inner voice, selflless love not self love we not me, respecting more than teasing , mutual goals, gentleness, daily repentance, harmonious daily and weekly planning, enriching dates, worshiping together, forgiveness, saving money, paying off debt, we go not ego, and traveling.
Sure it would be nice to have the results of our efforts immediately and abundantly like a monsoon.
But lasting marriages are built by drips and droplets, dew and even distillation.
But not by monsoons.
A humidifier. Not a monsoon.
Podcast episode here or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Not-A-Monsoon-een12h
#humidifernotamonsoon #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
Celebrate goodness (Discernment): finding, seeing and expressing good
Children: nice work on studying each day. I'm not too worried about a C as long as you're challenging yourself. You're a hard worker! I love you're smile! I'm glad to be your parent.
Spouse: I'm excited to see where we're going and what we are becoming!
Finances: we keep getting better using money to create money. It's fun helping others with what we've been given.
This podcast episode Or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Celebratory-Parenting-eecqpe
#celebratoryparenting #celebratorymarriage #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
Thriving marriages are like long, slow freight trains.
You observe, enjoy and take the long view when watching a long train unlike short, bullet trains that quickly go from origin to destination.
Similarly spouses require patience and appreciation and not microwave fast, forced results.
Worthwhile relationships are like a marathon not a sprint. Hard work, unity, consistency and character matter more than speed, talent and ego.
It's not what's important now? But what matters most forever?
https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Long--Slow-Trains-edup6k
At one period in his life Van Gogh created one new art piece every 36 hours over a decade.
2,100 artworks.
I've visited museums in Paris, Amsterdam, New York City, Los Angeles and Washington, DC to admire Van Gogh's masterpieces.
People admire your marriage masterpiece even though it seems average and ordinary.
The hard, daily, mundane intense labor made him a great artist as he created masterpieces.
He painted 43 selfies. And several versions of Sunflowers as he became and created.
Is building your marriage hard, mundane, pedestrian, intense? Can you see how you are creating a masterpiece? And becoming a masterpiece?
What are you making as you daily create? And who are you becoming?
We know of several of Van Gogh's masterpieces but he had hundreds of lesser works that transformed him from good to great. From a creative student to a legendary artist.
"An open mind is like an open parachute."
-Lord Dewar.
Our quality of life and advancement depend on what we know and apply. Applying principles gleaned from others is invigorating. As is learning something new.
We know certain ideas and don't apply them. And that's an application issue.
But what about those ideas we don't know about? That's an ignorance issue.
Can our biggest problems be solved best with better application? Or more knowledge? Maybe both.
A very wise person, who never obtained a college diploma, took memory courses, a math course, spent numerous hours in book stores and libraries and studied foreign languages. He thirsted to know what he didn't know.
Open your parachute. Learn new things. It might be the best way to solve your vexing puzzles.
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/thriving-twogether/id1352204602
#open parachute #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
False dichotomies in marriage abound.
Either your spouse is right or you are.
There's a right way to parent and a wrong way.
Either you fall in love or you don't.
You're getting better or getting worse.
How about loving unity and interdependent solutions involving conjunctions?
You're both right. Each difficulty has multiple solutuions which are found through loving, varied, interdependent prospectives.
There's good, better and best ways (plural) to parent.
Falling in love is based on attraction and is a good start. And staying and growing in love is based on helping and giving to your spouse.
Marriage involves hours/days/weeks/years of progressing and failing. Sometimes the up is down and the down is up. It's not all down or up.
Bo Jackson thought he didn't need to choose baseball or football. He chose both. He saw the genius of and not the tyranny of or.*
And is the word that best describes a solitionust mentality. Conjunctions are the tools of companions who work together, interdependent people who collaborate for unprecedented results.
Or is the word for defeatists and independents, soloists who have melody but no harmonic symphony.
Maybe some good conjunction questions.
How we can raise intelligent children AND help them be independent?
How can we have family fun AND have a clean house?
How can earn alot of money AND help many people?
How can we accept each other AND expect better from ourselves?
Listen to the podcast at https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Bo-Knew-The-Symphony-ecsn1d
#bojackson #andnotor #conjunctionnotdisjunction #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
(*See Good To Great by James Collins)
Taipua is a transformational Finnish* word. It means to change one's opinion, to bend or to curve.
It's the opposite of our dog who's obedient only when she gets treats. It's the opposite of pig headed, unable to look up and wallowing in dirty, muddy circumstances.
M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled boldly asserts life is hard but once we know it's hard it ceases to be hard.
Why? Because accepting hardships allows us to change ourselves to meet and beat difficulties. We choose to admit we are weak, fallible. And thus ultimately because we admit and improve our weakness (instead of blaming our situation/spouse/cat) we become strong.
A presidental candidate was derided as a flip-flopper because he is mature and malable enough to change his mind.
My wife, Melissa, used a taipua approach when getting us 3x faster internet with a 10% discount.
Are we willing to change and bend?
Check out the Podcast here or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/Taipua-Not-Pig-Headed-eckvt2
*I love Finland and especially the Finnish people. I lived there for two years and study the language nearly everyday.
One of the authors of The Power of Stillness said something powerful in a recent podcast about being mindful.
He said we should be interuptable-so at peace that nothing disturbs us. We should welcome interruptions because we value people and relationships above transactions and functions.
Being not merely doing. But doing matters too.
I hate being interrupted. But now with traditions, formalities and routines interrupted and stopped including work, school, and extracurricular activities I'm learning to be interuptable.
With plenty of time, I find it easy to listen. To trust in timing. To have meaningful discussions.
I'm enjoying talking with family for hours and days and weeks. Eating meals together. Playing together. Working together.
Bring on the interuptions. They help me focus on important people.
(Listen to the podcast too.)
A friend pointed out a feature in my Prius: An engine brake.
I told him I'd used it only a few times because I thought it was only for decelerating on large hills.
He explained the engine brake is to slow the car without using brakes (thus preserving the regular brakes) and to recharge the hybrid battery. Net result? Less cost replacing brakes and less cost for fuel.
He told me he frequently uses an engine brake on his Prius which helps him get better MPG.
I've been following his advice and I'm spending less money filling my car up. And my brakes should last longer.
My car's engine brake is like meekness.
Meekness is a term that means to be restrained/disciplined/guided by the Spirit.
Rarely did I use my engine brake for four years. By being restrained I could've gained.
Being guided/disciplined through the Spirit is different than no discipline or mere self- discipline.
Meekness seems to be one of the most difficult virtues to understand and perhaps one of the most important for ambitious people to apply.
Listen and rate the podcast episode here or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether/episodes/An-Engine-Brake-Or-Meekness-ebukbd
#marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness #meekness
A wife was running warm and so she turned on a fan to keep her cool while she slept. The next night she noticed a blanket had been removed from her bed by her husband. Now instead of two thick blankets, she had one. And she noticed how she no longer felt too warm.
Remove the blanket, don't turn on the fan seems like a good metaphor too. Focus on things that really matter, things that move the needle.
-Intimacy is one vital component in a thriving marriage but sex/biology isn't the ONLY element in marriage. Money, communication, trust, respect, children, and many other elements make up marriage.
-Faith in God, emotions and facts are powerful antidotes to fear. Anger and fear inspire for a while but love inspires forever.
-Unified spouses make better decisions than a "l do me" approach.
-Eating food (natural, from a tree/ground/animal) not manufactured (from a box/factory). Exercising regularly and eating for nutrients not dieting and counting calories.
-Living within a budget, finding resourceful inexpensive solutions and preparing for emergencies instead of using credit card debt to "afford" a solution/want/need.
Remove the blanket. Don't turn on the fan.
Both solutions work, but one works long term and costs less money and time.
Hey would you be so kind as to listen to an episode (or more), subscribe, rate, and or review my podcasts? ThrivingTwogether is on Apple, Google, Stitcher and Sporify. And frugal2free and TravelingTwogether are on Apple and Google. Thanks!
Here's the podcast or https://anchor.fm/thriving-twogether
#blanketnotthefan #marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
A wife proudly wears a hockey jersey because her husband loves hockey. The number and name on her jersey are those of her husband's favorite player.
She understands recreational companionship. Enjoying fun, relaxing experiences together.
Recreational companionship doesn't always mean liking the same things as your spouse. Yet maybe at least be genuinely interested in what your spouse likes.
The reason, purpose and design of marriage is happiness. Not misery, gratification, selfish indulgence, permanent failure, ignorance, poverty nor suffering.
We can and should experience happiness now. And forever.
How? By knowing we have Divine help from loving Heavenly Parents who designed marriage. And by working to create a giving, unified, Spiritual partnership.
Listen to my podcast
#marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor
A bodybuilder told me he once liked to lift for ego. Now he lifts for flexibility and balance. He wanted to be big like Arnold. Now he's trying to be like Gumby.
A yelling child needs an adaptive parent, one who might listen/crack a joke/cry. No need for a forceful power struggle.
An overspending spouse needs less forceful, paternal/maternal lectures and ultimatums. They need more of a flexible approach. Maybe ideas on how to buy their needs/wants with cash. Or praise for their frugal efforts.
In all areas of our lives we can choose to power through it or we can choose flexible approaches that seem yoga-like but offer a more balanced and effective approach.
Listen to the podcast
#gumby #arnold
#marriage #love #faith #hope #thrivingtwogether #foreverlove #marriage coach #relationshipcoach #relationshipcounselor #lastingmarriage #enduringlove #togetherwecan #fiercemarriage #remotemarriagecoach #change #better #forever #happy #happiness
The Good Neighbor is a great read about Mister Rogers. And the movie Won’t You Be My Neighbor? will lift your view of others.
This weekend I enjoyed seeing Mister Rogers’ shoes, 1970 sweater and seven of his puppets in Pittsburgh.
And I was reminded of 143. 1 is for I. 4 is for love. 3 is for you. Love is Mister Rogers legacy.
Why do I love learning about this transformative legend? Because of the lessons he lived with actions And taught with words.
Lessons from the Good Neighbor.
-When tragedy strikes, look for the helpers.
-It’s not how many blessings we have but what we do with our blessings.
Who has blessed your life? Are you blessing others?
*This page contains paid partnerships.
Does anyone live within their means? Its tempting to pay full price and to buy now. It’s tempting to avoid additional education, to settle for the same income each year. It’s tempting to believe everything costs more each year.
Yet. There are those who certificate stack to make more money. There are those who pay for nice used cars in cash. There are those who enjoy amazing meals at Ruth’s Chris for 20% what most people pay.
There are those whose Masters degree cost less than 10% of their peers. Or people who wear designer shirts or jeans for 1/3 the cost of Walmart clothes.
Yes there are those who aren’t confined by convention. They live within their means but constantly expand their means and enjoy an abundant life.
Living within your means can be very liberating.
Attention. Don’t just slow down, notice. What problem do you need to overcome. What good quality about your spouse should you highlight?
Notice people. Notice things. In that order.
Notice what your children need from you. What one thing, if done consistently, would transform your marriage with time?
(HT to A Learning A Day)
I’ve played golf a few times in my life..if you count mini golf. Unfortunately I’ve developed a knack for hitting people and things instead of holes.
I once hit a guy in the head. And another time I hit a passing car.
Maybe I should remember to yell fore!
But this time of the year reminds me of mulligans. Do overs are the best part of golf and life.
Each of us makes so many mistakes, we should remember fresh starts every second, every day, every year.
What should you forget? What’s your mulligan?
Stomp it? Poke it? Puncture it? Use a knife? Your foot?
How we get air out of a balloon is easy. And typically forceful.
A friend heard me popping balloons and suggested a non-violent, gentle, quiet approach. Let the air out by cutting the bottom tied part.
It worked!
How do you communicate with your children? Popping? Letting out the air? How do you make decisions with your spouse? Gently? Loud? Forceful?
Who in your life gets the popping? Who do you let the air out with?
Sweating in a Sauna followed by swimming in an icy lake sounds miserable to most people.
Yet in Finland, those polar extremes are not just tolerated, they are a part of the culture. That is pure delight to the Finns.
I think we would be less likely to get bent out of shape, we’d be more flexible and calm, if we experienced more extremes.
The Art Of Peace is an excellent book. What I learned about Aikido applies to relationships too.
For instance:
A Steady and pure mind avoids attack.
It’s not combat; it’s unity.
A reformation of heart is needed.
Avoid attachments to things.
Be flexible like Bamboo.
Criticism weakens.
Be flowing like a willow.
Balance is key.
Opponent and you become one so no opponent at all.
Unity is vital.
Don’t focus on enemy (and your spouse is not the enemy).
Light is wisdom.
It seems like peace is possible and very likely as we ponder and apply these truths.
The Whole Brain Child is an excellent resource for understanding and nurturing children. Even difficult ones.
Here are some of my notes that might help you with parenting and in all of your relationships.
The Whole Brain Child helps children process info not forget. Connect not neglect. Integration not Disintegration. Not chaos not rigidity-well being, harmony. Left brain is text, letter of the law. Right brain is context. Left is linear. Connect and redirect instead of arguing. Name it to take it: have child retell the story so you can integrate their brain. Put a name on it and it calms your mind. Name your pain so you can tame. Connect first, solve second!!!!!! Upstairs brain regulates emotions. Amygdala alerts of danger. Size of almond. Physical activity calms the brain. The integrated windshield. Tell others what emotion your feeling. They should have a full pallet of emotions; not black and white. Insight and empathy comprise mindset. Active author not a passive scribe for your life. Engage don’t enrage. Save your “no”for when you really need it. Ask brain growing questions. Lead the witness. Internal remote. I feel > I am. Connect through conflict.
Maybe difficult relationships can be bettered by understanding and integration. It’s worth the effort to learn and apply the above ideas.
A colleague breaks away from business at least once a week during lunchtime to eat with his wife. Each week. Sometimes more than once.
He’s been married for a few years and enjoys being with his wife at a relaxing lunch date.
Another friend spent several months fixing up an investment property with his wife. They worked, talked and laughed together and told me they have never felt so close and connected.
How can you find time for a weekly date? Or maybe even a daily date?
The price of love is time. Are you paying the price?
Recent Comments